December 18, 2015

Sore.

Some days are monumental. Other days are more subtle in importance, but arguably equally as impactful in our overall journey. But yesterday, was one of those monumental days. And I’m sore.

Yesterday I auditioned for one of my top choices for the next step in my university and dance career. I was up at 7:15, at the audition by 9:30, and not leaving until 4 that afternoon. All the dancers were very strong and lovely people, and we all worked very hard and gave it our best shot. Adrenaline does funny things to you. I hadn’t had an appetite all week, I wasn’t sleeping, and I was more jumpy than ever. It was painful the days leading up to the audition. However, the night before, something strange happened. A wave of calm washed over me. A voice in my head was telling me that it really was going to be okay and that I couldn’t be more prepared for this. Thank goodness that life offers these moments of clarity in dire times of need. During the audition, my senses were heightened. Time felt warped. Performing my solo, I didn’t consciously think a single thought. My body just did. And now it’s exhausted.

Obviously, my body is physically sore from the training I did leading up to the audition, and the force exerted yesterday. I’m sitting in the airport, ready to go to Atlanta and have Christmas with family, and my legs feel like rocks. But where I’m most sore is in my mind. The thought cycle of self doubt, competition, planning, analyzing, and precision that my brain has been in for the past few weeks has paused, and I’m left feeling hungover, hungrier than I’ve been in forever, and happy. 

When we let our mind take control, it can either be great or detrimental. During my solo, my mind controlling my body seamlessly was exactly what I had trained for. But during those sleepless nights and dazed subway rides, my mind was running in a direction that my soul didn’t want to be dragged through. If we can be mindfully and gracefully in control when times are tough, we will emerge from struggles and stress as a whole person, and not a being broken into confused pieces.

After the audition, I met two of my Australian friends (who are more like sisters) in the city to spend the few hours we had together. Being close with Tara since before I can even remember being me has been a major blessing in my life. Some people are given to you by God to just blindly love you; Tara is one of those people. She was exhausted from one of the longest trips in the world, and I was exhausted from my day of auditioning, but not even the pouring rain added to all this dulled our spirits. We picked up right where we left off, just laughing and loving each other and grateful for the time that we had and the plans we were making for the future. These girls made my heart sore. They reminded me that sometimes laughing about crazy hat vendors and asking for repeated hugs is totally game and welcomed by a quality type of person. My heart is sore from loving and missing people, and I couldn’t be happier about it.

So here’s to being really damn sore. Here’s to pushing our body to the limits each day, challenging ourselves, and reaping the rewards. I’m going to dance my heart out in my auditions to come and get my chiseled abs and there’s no way I’m going to wait until the new year. Here’s to relaxing our mind so we can open our hearts once we find those people that really do love us back. Here’s to soreness and happiness in each day.

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